Met with my dissertation chair today via Zoom. It was a productive 30-minute chat. To be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit lost when thinking about ways to tie all of the elements of my research together. I needed a roadmap, a framework, much like the US DoT style guide.
Another year has passed, and now I understand the aphorism "the days are long but the years are short." It seems that last Christmas, with all its zoom calls and covid restrictions, was not that long ago.
The Christmas Kahlua turned out pretty good. I suppose that was one of the few bright spots about this holiday. Mid-December brought heavy rain, and a roof leak which led to water damage in the garage. Turns out that roof leak created a large section of dry rot on the roof sheathing. Insurance will pay for most of the repairs, and the adjuster's estimate clocked in at $4,900 (less the $1,000 deductible).
The roof was repaired yesterday, just in time for the next rounds of rain. Apparently, Northern California is in the middle of "atmospheric river" and could see significant rain over the next 10 days. The meteorologists from the 90s used to call it the Pineapple Express, given flow of moisture from out in the Pacific Ocean.
I'm babbling, and feeling ungrateful for all the complaining about the holiday season. I am not one to make New Year's resolutions, but beginning January 1, 2023, I will attempt to post once per day here on this site. Even if it is simply an image, or a quote, I hope to reflect daily on the positive things in my life. Maybe that will get me out of this funk of feeling the weight of everything that is happening in my life.
I say this to myself a lot.
I especially say this to myself when things get hectic. For example, when I think about the progress I have made on my dissertation and research, I think it could get worse. Here I am in mid-November and I am still polishing the first chapter (Introduction) while diving into the second chapter (literature review).
And, I wonder how I am going to finish by May. So, ya...
Is it a pessimistic perspective? Perhaps.
Is it a coping mechanism? Maybe.
Is it a declarative statement that always holds true? Not necessarily.
Maybe it is simply a reminder that things could go the other way, too. It probably could get better.
It seems that this month has flown by...tomorrow is Halloween. Tonight is the neighborhood pumpkin carving party, and I'm a bit melancholy that my kid isn't here to participate. He's busy being a college sophomore, and working his part time job. And, I am happy that he is thriving. I suppose it's selfish of me to wish he was here to carve pumpkins and possibly go trick-or-treat. Although, it's hard to let go of those Halloween memories of years past. It feels like it was only yesterday that he was wandering around the neighborhood with wide eyes and a bucket full of candy.
The melancholy will pass, but my dissertation work remains. Earlier this week, my draft Chapter 1 was returned to me with plenty of suggested revisions and edits. I knew this was coming, yet it stings to be told that your attempt is insufficient. My draft needs to "narrow the focus" and two of the sentences needs to be clarified because the "wording is awkward" but one of the dissertation committee members did write that my first draft was a "great start." She also reminded me that this is a marathon, not a sprint...so "don't get discouraged."
Honestly, I'm digging deep to get myself out of that pit of despair. The process has been a slog. I mean, three years of nonstop classes was tough. And, now I'm faced with researching and writing my keystone paper with three people telling me how and what I need to change in order to graduate. I'm excited to finish this dissertation—and I will—but I'm tired. So, here are some things I saw earlier this month. It's the little things...and sometimes the little things can be everything.
