QS PRN

Now knee-deep into Week 2 of Spring 2020 semester of my doctoral studies. And, I’m anxious. Not because of the work, the reading, the research, or the writing. 

My anxiety is because of all the questions. Questions surrounding my studies and my pursuit of a degree. Why? What do I hope to achieve by accomplishing it? Will I return to the private sector once I’ve earned my degree? 

Upside: the anxiety fades pretty quickly. I remind myself that I am doing this for me. And, that I don’t have the answers to everyone’s questions. I’m still learning. 

FOCUS 

The world is a distracting place. We hear phrases like, “Pay attention!” and "undivided attention" along with other demands for personal time and energy.

But, is there a cost associated with distraction?

The cost is personal satisfaction. If I lose focus, I allow little things to distract me from my needs and goals.

With so many things competing for my attention, I’ve decided that I need to focus. Focus intentionally. Focus on what matters to me. Focus where and how I spend my time.

To be clear (see what I did there?), my focus is not about self-care. My focus concerns self-awareness, for self-care without self-awareness is useless. I want to focus, analyze, and be critical of how I think, act, and behave.

With an increasingly connected world, it is easy to fall into a persistent state of distraction. It is easy to convince myself that I am accomplishing things or that I am being productive. Only, that is not true because all the little things amount to broad and shallow work. It is a simple justification.

I want to focus on deep work. I miss the long, solitary concentration that yields a satisfaction of knowing that I was intentional and deliberate. There is a state of flow that comes from deep work, and that requires focus.

To be so focused on the work, to be so engaged in the process, is a wonderful thing...even if the work itself is not stellar. The focus is the reward.

The new year–the new decade–begins today. And, in my usual fashion, I feel somewhat ill-prepared. At least, I don't spend to much time reflecting on the past year...I don't see change as an annual review process. Reflection, change, and habits are an ongoing cycle in my opinion.

While all the articles and commercials are full of good-intent, it only heightens my level of anxiety. Meaning, when I read an article on "20 Ways to Be a Happier Person in 2020" I begin to question my own happiness. I wonder if perhaps I should be more intentional, more focused. Could I be happier on Day 1 of 366?

If I follow one or more of these 20 ways, will that lead to a more rewarding and fulfilling life in 2020? Perhaps. But, the thought of all this only serves to make feel anxious about my own process. Maybe it's a lack of confidence. Maybe it's imposter syndrome. I'm certain there are articles on how to overcome these feelings, too. Social media is flooded with “one word” declarations, resolutions, and intentions this time of year...yet, I only want clarity.